EL TOJO

Makes even The Watchtower Sexy

nobody@vox.com(nohablo) — Sun, 11 May 2008 20:31:55 -0700

The One Infallible Rule By Which I Judge All Music
Does it make me want to pole dance in an H&M?
(a) If yes, proceed.
(b) If no, dump that weak track and get with a real man.

Artists Who Always Meet the Infallible Rule
Prince, The Artist Formerly Known as Prince

08 Chelsea Rodgers

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Kanye Day

nobody@vox.com(nohablo) — Sat, 10 May 2008 22:49:52 -0700

13 Young Folks (Cover)

Kanye West

PROS
- 30% Fresher than Caturday.
- 120% More likely to make you break out into the Chicken Noodle Soup Dance.

CONS
- I am 56% sure that Kanye West is not an adorable kitten.

Good thing that there's still that extra 44%!

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Kim Deal, DO ME.

nobody@vox.com(nohablo) — Fri, 18 Apr 2008 13:19:31 -0700

Pear Blossoms

Some people anxiously await that sunny, breezy April day to break out their swishy summer dresses and seersucker suits. I wait to break out The Breeders.

02 Cannonball

The Breeders

CANNONBALL, The Breeders. One of those perfect summer anthems. Take off your shoes, coax the melanin back into your goth-skin, and get your terrible hippy-dance on.

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This Week in Obsessions: Tracks

nobody@vox.com(nohablo) — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 02:24:46 -0700

09 Flashing Lights (ft. Dwele)

Kanye West

I would take a bullet for the opening 40 seconds of this track, which more than redeem Ye's pathetic dog-eared rhyme book, flagrant abuse of mixed metaphors, and deliriously nonsensical similes. Anything for you, roiling disco-stomp and flossy, glossy strings!

01 Get Down

Nas

Struts with a pimp-roll James Brown sample and sneers with gimlet-eyed defiance. Get Down is hard, grim, gritty, and the perfect unhewn, poetic epic for the slums. Also known as: Mommy, Nas made me a Black Panther!

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Lyrics Royale, Round 2

nobody@vox.com(nohablo) — Wed, 16 Jan 2008 18:51:48 -0800

No. 2 We Are Going to Marrakesh, The Extra Glenns

12 Going to Marrakesh

Extra Glenns

The fog is lifting from the water.
The bells are sounding on the boats.
And our love is a monster plain and simple.
Though you weight it down with stones to try to drown it,
It floats.
It floats.

- My Grandma, what flat, bare, and patently un-phat beats you have.
- The better to show you my plaintive, perfect lyrics my dear.

Extra Glenn's singer, John Darnielle, has a voice like a dry slap; it's muted, reedy, and has some trouble hitting all the sharps and flats, but it's also compelling in its unembellished sincerity. It's also perfect for the plain and powerful poetry of the lyrics, which rise above the usual hysterical adolescent bawls of love.

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The Bastard Child

nobody@vox.com(nohablo) — Mon, 07 Jan 2008 18:27:32 -0800

Applause

06 Just Us

Cam'ron

Sturm and drang from Cam'ron. In which two long-parted lovers, played by Journey and motherfucking Gangsta Rap, are reunited in heartbreaking and glorious song. And people say culture is dead.

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My Lyrics, let me bust you with them

nobody@vox.com(nohablo) — Thu, 15 Nov 2007 17:28:17 -0800

Lyrics Royale
Invitation to an iron cage death-match for the heartbreaking ballad, the smoking diss, and the loopy genius. Lil Jon need not apply.

No.1 3030, Deltron 3030

3030

Deltron 3030

"Del, I'm feeling like a ghost in a shell
I wrote this in jail playing host to a cell
For the pure verbal, they said my sentence was equivalent to murder."

Deltron 3030's blazing verbal boomerang. The Good Twin of Take No Prisoners English, bursting at the seams with malevolent free-wheeling verbal pyrotechnics and sneering, machine-gun delivery.

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I mean, it's practically in the Constitution

nobody@vox.com(nohablo) — Sun, 21 Oct 2007 17:40:37 -0700

I figure that after you go to a concert, you're pretty much obligated to post something commemorating a joyous night of fuzzy sound, mashed bodies, and the most enthusiastic white boys in the world.

The Man

RJD2 makes it work

The Music

The Hook: RJD2 - Smoke & Mirrors
Heard on a TV show about cops (Michael Mann's Robbery Homicide Division which was beautiful, gruff, and on during seriously the worst time slot known on earth. Also, not surprisingly, mercilessly canceled and replaced with Numbers of all things. NUMBERS. CBS, YOU AND I NEED TO TALK.). Then spent about five years running through the five words I could make out on the song through Google. Spent another five years trying to download the surprisingly elusive song (said many times: THIS IS THE FUCKING INTERNET. IF I CAN FIND FUCKING VIDEOS OF A TWELVE YEAR OLD BOY FUCKING THE QUEEN MOTHER IN THE ASS WHY CAN'T I FIND THIS ONE FUCKING SONG. WHYYYY.). Now, finally here for your pleasure.

The Sinker: RJD2 - Ghostwriter
My secret weakness: horns.

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Up, Down, Turn Around

nobody@vox.com(nohablo) — Sat, 20 Oct 2007 21:19:47 -0700

05 Temptation

New Order

I don't know if you know it, but this is the perfect song. Catchy, smirking, adolescent, and with enough of that earnest sweetness to end hunger, procure peace in the Middle East, and most importantly, warm the frigid hearts of all the cynical, shoe-gazing hipsters in the world.

Another person waxes effusive with more vigor and eloquence: http://www.anonymousjuice.com/print/2/neworder.html

Curls at the Concert

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Life Lessons

nobody@vox.com(nohablo) — Thu, 31 May 2007 14:49:48 -0700

Steps to Working Up a Hot Funk
1.

06 Call Me

01 Heartbeat (club version)

2. Continue

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